Swallowing the Truth

Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall.

I have not been able to find the author. I had read the quote before and was able to understand the concept, but it wasn’t until yesterday that I found a real understanding.

mybabywithherbaby

My baby holding her baby

In this case, I found the quote on House of Rogue.

I was thinking about my mother and searching for some comfort.

Mama is the strongest person I know  because of her faith and determination.

I have known that she is getting older and experiencing more health problems for a while. It has been weighing on my mind much more recently. The problems are progressing faster and  will not stop — not even for a short while ever again. Yesterday I was hit in the face with that cold, hard truth.

I will be 46 years old in just over a month, but in my heart and soul, she is still my mama and I am still a baby.

Her Wonderland is Heaven. I’m still falling.

I choose this one or maybe this one

The other night I was hit with sudden inspiration. I experienced the euphoria of having an unbelievably creative idea.

I did the smart thing. I wrote down the bare bones, slept on it, and then spent the  day considering and trashing details before I had ever started writing. coffee

By this evening, I had realized the explanation is a hopeless one. There are too many conditions deserving of consideration. Maybe my idea is more complex than creative.

Ugh.

Choose a condition? 

You think I should actually choose from several conditions that have equal merit and apply that one alone to the major theme?

It’s a spider web. It all connects.

 

CHOOSE?  

I know what you are thinking right now and you are right. 

Coffee does sound good.

An Outside Look Into Extreme Mental Illness

“Pppphhhhttt. They diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia with narcissistic delusions of grandeur.”

She continued, “.. but those therapists didn’t know what they were talking about. They are just jealous and scared because I’m psychic and I know what is in their heads.”

That was a few months ago, when I was still trying to be her friend. I don’t hold mental illness against people.

She talked about her relationship with a famous basketball player. She talked about her secret life as the one in charge of security for the U.S. — and “showed” me how she can control what security does with her mind while riots were playing out on the television.

I wasn’t scared away. I was saddened, a little intrigued, and sympathetic. I thought she needed a friend and I could be one.

Then she started targeting me. Disrupting the entire neighborhood. Accusing me of ridiculous things. Making my life very difficult, even though I spend most of it inside my apartment.

I, and other “lucky” neighbors have been targeted by her. She is not on medication, but she IS on alcohol.

This isn’t pretty.

She is now threatening to shoot me with bullets from her mind because she doesn’t need a gun.  Well, honestly, by the open post she placed, I’m not sure if she is threatening me, the basketball player, the Tucson Police Department, one of the local news programs, the leasing office…. but according to the time posted, she was standing outside my door yelling and using a high-pitched whistle.

I’m a little frightened, but I’m leery of calling cops to have them “warn” her again and walk away.

She needs medication, but I wish she would just leave right now.

I can’t even tell you how much I wish all of the above was fiction. It’s happening and there is more to that strange story.

Have you ever been targeted by someone with diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia or something similar?  How did you handle it? Please feel free to comment!